And so we did it. We became an all girls unit. And now I will be the first to admit that the girls have grown on me! I still love my little guys down the hall, but I have learned to appreciate many things about working with the girls. They are more contemplative, they want to connect deeply, and they put their heart into whatever they do. Today I had a great day with the girls. I am currently running a group about teamwork with them. They need a lot of practice. They often spend more time arguing with staff, each other and themselves than they spend on anything else. The idea of working together toward a common goal is novel for them. Today I planned a group based on an activity I have done myself. I have done it more than once during team building days with other therapists at work. The basic gist is that the first girl is to construct something from materials given (coffee stirrers, toothpicks, gummy bears, dots and marshmallows. The only girl to see the structure other than she who creates it is the one directly behind her. That girl then passes the design verbally to the girl in the middle. She then passes it to another girl who passes it to the girl she can watch trying to recreate the structure. It is like the "Telephone Game" in kinesthetic form.
I warned them ahead of time that it could be tough and that they would become frustrated. They were eager to begin. So eager that the creator used every piece available to create a fairly elaborate structure. The girl behind her began to give step-by-step directions, but quickly fell behind as the creator worked speedily through her idea. But they just kept going, step-by-step. I watched and put out small fires as they arose (an inappropriate comment here, an argument there). The structures looked quite different for a long time, but the girls didn't know that. Things almost fell apart at one point (not the structures, but the kids). This one wasn't paying attention, that one was being too loud for the girls to hear the information being passed along, someone looked at someone else wrong. The usual. But they did it. For an entire hour they followed through with each step, and what do you know? The structures were amazingly similar in the end! I was nothing short of impressed! These girls, these arguing, bullying, disorganized, and emotionally disregulated girls had just done better than a group of well adjusted, educated, patient therapists. I would say I was surprised, but I was not. I often say that I learn just as much, if not more, from the kids as they learn from me. We had a whole discussion after about what was hard and how it might be easier if we were to do this again. They had it pretty well figured out: make things less complicated, communicate better, and have more support from those around to mediate. Hmm...is it possible that the girls have figured out how to improve their lives? I didn't mention that in the moment. Too big a risk that they will toss the whole idea just because I made a meaningful connection for them. I will that for later. In the meantime, I will take their advice!
I just have to also include a side story here. In the middle of group, one of the girls who had been out with her caseworker came back to the cottage. She is not your typical girl. She wears boys clothes and is far more interested in building and sports than brushing her hair. She had been out for a haircut. One she has been waiting for. We all paused to react. One of the girls said, "you look like a boy!" I thought to myself, "she looks like herself!" She bounded to her room with joy in her step. For many reasons we have not had the pleasure of seeing her truly happy in a long time. It was the highlight of my week because she so deserves to feel happiness! They all do.
