The Cottage to the Right

Yesterday at work I got one of those messages that makes you feel helpless as a therapist. A former client was "escalated" and her caseworker was calling me for help because no one has a relationship with the new therapist yet. As I attempted to talk to this client, and as she mostly spoke in a pressured and raised tone of voice, I tried to distract her.  I asked what she had been doing during her break from school.  She said, in an overly sarcastic tone, "Yeah, Christmas. Blah, blah, blah...". Attempting to make a connection, I mentioned the very nice message she had left me on Christmas.  I told her it made me smile.  Her reply was simple and it was the only time during the conversation when her tone of voice seemed genuine.  She said, "How do I know it made you smile?" Ouch.  I felt a dull pain in my chest.  Why hadn't I called her to tell her it made me smile? It would have taken no time at all.  Don't get me wrong, I am not so silly or self-centered to think that this particular episode had anything to do with me and my lack of acknowledgement of the gesture she made.  However, it got me to thinking about the fact that we often miss opportunities to tell those we care about how we feel.  Or more importantly, how they make us feel.

When I got off the phone, I had solved nothing.  I was not really sure if I had helped at all.  Helpless is a tough one to swallow as a professional helper.  So, I did what I often do when I feel discouraged at work.  I entered the cottage to the right of my office where the little ones live.  I know that within ten seconds I will be able to engage with a child under the age of nine who will brighten my day (or evening as this occasion would have it).  I was not disappointed.  He is six and today he seems to be preoccupied with birthdays.  Maybe it is because one of the other children is having a birthday tomorrow, who knows.  I don't really care.  All I know is during the next five to ten minutes we planned out my entire birthday.  According to this particular youngster I should go to Chuck E. Cheese, and then to a friends' house.  "Do you have a friend at your house?" he asks.  "No, I live by myself" I reply.  His next question is if I fall asleep with the lights off.  I proceed to tell him that I usually leave the TV on because I don't like it to be completely dark.  He agrees that this is a good idea because he, too, gets scared in the dark.  When it was time for me to leave, I gave him a hug.  In my mind it was a thank you for cheering me up.  As I walked away, he chased after me.  "One more hug?" he asked, shortly followed by, "Ten more?"  I said just one more would do.  In that instant he made a compromise without speaking.  He gave me one more hug that lasted as long as it took him to count to ten out loud.

I highly recommend the Cottage to the Right for birthday suggestions and hugs.  I left work with a smile on my face and I made sure he knew it.