Goodbye, Panda.

What do you think of when you think of a Panda?  Cute? Big? Bamboo?  I venture a guess to say all of the above and more.  Did you know that Pandas are known to attack humans?  It is presumed that these attacks are more out of irritation than aggression.  This concept sounds so familiar to me.

The kids I work with attack humans too.  I presume that these attacks are often as a result of irritation and not aggression.  They are away from home, or they have absolutely no concept of what home is in the first place.  They are in the care of strangers.  We have a lot of expectations.  We have a lot of rules.  No matter how much we care (and the staff is incredibly caring), we are still temporary and there to do a job.  The kids know that.  We bring in our outside day and the kids can see it.  Sometimes we bring yesterday's Panda attack into the next day because we are frustrated.  And all of this is piled on top of previous years of inconsistent caregivers, abuse, neglect, and overall instability.  I would be irritated too.  So, sometimes the kids I work with attack humans.

But they work hard too.  When you step in front of a child who is going after someone he feels has wronged a friend of his and he lets you help him instead of attacking you, he is working hard.  When a girl grumbles all the way to her room to change into pants because you told her 50 degrees does not mean she can wear shorts, she is working hard.  That little guy who finally remembers to raise his hand before blurting out the most groundbreaking news which makes no real sense is working hard.  We often have to appreciate small positive changes.  It is a rare occasion when we get to see a big "turnaround".  When a child who has to argue about everything and seems to either verbally or physically be attacking everyone all the time learns to compromise.  When she smiles more often.  When she not only memorizes the lyrics to the song "Keep Your Head Up", but learns the meaning of the lyrics.  When you have told her enough times, "when you try you do well" that she begins to believe in herself just enough to write "I will try to keep my head up" in her thank you card to you. They work so hard.

And sometimes they will slip.  They may even fall.  We won't always be there to catch them.  After all, we are temporary and there to do a job.  And the kids know that.  And while someone else is busy helping them up, we still have a job to do.  On Friday I was busy.  I had what felt like a million loose ends to tie up before the holiday weekend.  Deadlines and paperwork threaten to steal the meaning of our work all of the time.  But never for long.  As I rushed back and forth between the cottage and my office, one of our newest girls said to me, "I want to spend time with you".  I told her I would see her before I left for the day and I continued to rush around.  I almost forgot.  But I didn't.  She washed dishes and I complemented her on how good she was doing.  And just before I left she shared a book with me that she has in her room.  It is about a gorilla who befriends a kitten.  How appropriate.  

And what will become of the Panda?  I am not sure.  Maybe she will continue to attack adults on account of her irritation.  Maybe we will learn to stop irritating her.  It will have to be both.  For now, I say goodbye to the Panda and make room for other creatures.